It’s summer, at least unofficially, and I haven’t yet ridden my bike once. I’m feeling a need to take it out, give it a quick spin, before I even think of committing to commuting somewhere or hitting a longer trail. I just know it’ll be invigorating, even while it tests my endurance and flexibility. I may end up sore. I may end up feeling really out of shape.
That’s how I’ve been feeling about my acting life too—if not my entire artistic life. A bit out of shape and anxious. I’ve been so focused on other things and spending so much time and energy on them, that I’m feeling out of it. This lag of being between projects is always an unpleasant one, but this one’s feeling rather difficult.
I need to get some work going or at least on my horizon
I’ve had a few auditions recently that have felt really “blah.” In one instance my gut immediately afterward thought, “Well, that was ok. Not great. Not bad. Just ok.” But 24 hours later I realized I had a really crappy audition, and left so many potential elements outside the audition room, it’s almost embarrassing. I desperately wanted a do-over, wanted a chance to make the good choices, rather than the banal. It was a new-to-me director too, so that’s a double crapper.
Then, the same sort of thing happened again the other day at another initial audition. At the time, it felt ok, seemed ok. But then looking back, I realized there wasn’t anything special about what I did. In this case, I thought that the material didn’t seem to give me much to work with, but even I know that’s a lousy excuse. If I had got the job I’d have to find a way to make it work, and I know I can’t always count on a scene partner or director to bring the life to something—I have to find a way myself, too.
And that’s the thing about auditions: you get one shot. Even if you’re not feeling it, even if you’re feeling out of the groove, off your game, tired, overwhelmed with other things, or whatever. You only get that one chance to shine, and that moment comes and goes very quickly. Most auditions are won or lost in the first 15 seconds, at most.
My muscles are feeling out of shape, and I can’t let that keep me down. And I can’t let all of this get me down, or I’ll be writing posts about depression and the dog days of summer.
I’ve got an audition tonight. I need to follow my own advice.
Perhaps I ought to ride my bike to it.