Now it’s officially summer, and for many people in Twin Cities theatre that means one of three things: 1) hiatus, 2) summer stock or 3) fringe festival.
Last year at this time I was over my eyeballs in work for my Minnesota Fringe Festival show, a project that took over the majority of my entire year and has become a highlight of my work in many ways. It’s something I was, and am, very proud to have created.
This year right now I have bupkus, although I should probably think of it more like #1 – hiatus. My home life is chaotic enough (we’re in the midst of a major remodeling project) that doing a show in any way right now would be perhaps very difficult. Perhaps. Maybe it would be a welcome relief, but truthfully I probably wouldn’t be able to commit the sufficient time, energy or focus to it. I certainly couldn’t do this year during all that’s going on what I did last year.
That said, I’m realizing that my self-worth has suddenly diminished, and I find it troubling because I know it’s not a valid feeling. I find it difficult and depressing to hear and see so many of my friends and colleagues busy with shows and planning productions. I become jealous. I still remain supportive, and happy for them. I would still jump in to the fray and join a show in progress or help a struggling producer.
Still, my creative hunger isn’t quite being properly fed.
I wish I too were in the midst of a great creative endeavor. I have some inklings of things I want to do, some small idea of how I might mount a show, write a piece, hawk my abilities or products. And I will.
I only wish my sense of worth wasn’t so tightly tied to my artistic pursuits.